I had this feeling earlier that I couldn't shake, and as I sat and zoned out to my iTunes "Broken Strings" came on and i just vented randomness, and even though what your about to read most likely wont make any sense lol, I feel better, *shrug* eh w/e.

I don't want to be dead last anymore. I feel like I'm going to be left at the door, like once again I'll be left standing alone to deal with starting from scratch. I feel like I'ma lose in situations where it's obvious that I'm suppose to win. For once I don't want to be humble, I want to kick and scream for it, but i never had an opportunity or time to do so, I've grown use to losing, when it came to change i just never was quick enough... whether it was my mom, my dad, my brother, my family, my friends, my exs, everything i put my heart into just seems to leave me, and its always a situation where if i break my silence it wouldn't make a difference, or maybe I'm just scared of failing from making one. every change i faced i never had a chance, change on its on decided to take charge, it didnt give me a chance to hold on to my mother better, didnt give me time to convince my brother on staying, didnt give me the decision to where I wanted to be, didnt think of the after effects on my heart for every love i had to get over... thats how i feel, but just for once i don't want a change and i want it at the same time. i don't want to have to just accept things, i don't wanna be the one without a say, without a acknowledgment, without a consideration...idk thats just how i feel

this is the song, "Broken Strings" James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado